'Twas the eve of Thanksgiving

For years I worked in denominations that traditionally held a Thanksgiving Eve service.
The dialogue below was originally performed by my wife and I 10 years or so ago at a one of those services.
Feel free to use this as you may have need.
Happy Thanksgiving!!

‘Twas the eve of Thanksgiving
by Curtis O. Fletcher

Wife: ‘Twas the eve of Thanksgiving and all through the town
gentle breezes were blowing the snow falling down.
The turkey was thawing quite slowly, with care
because all the relatives soon would be there.

Husband: (interrupting with slight exasperation)
The uncles and aunts and the sisters and brothers
with husbands and wives and significant others.

Wife: (continuing)
While I for my kerchief was starting to search
because we were already quite late for church.

Husband: (with animation)
When out from the kitchen arose such a clatter
I sprang from the couch to see what was the matter.
I slipped on the floor and I fell with a crash,
My head landed in the dogs dish with a splash!
Then the water began in its merciless flow
To saturate coat shirt and trousers below…
Then my eyes saw the reason for what I had heard
Those idiot dogs were devouring the bird!!
They had gotten it down from the counter quite quick
It was hard to believe they had pulled such a trick
Then more quickly then lightning my lovely wife came

Wife: And I heard as he called both the doggies bad names!

Husband: (loudly, with anger)
You two frapdahobes are in need of a fixin’!

Wife: Then he dove on the dogs and they started in mixin’
They rolled cross the floor and crashed into the wall
Water, turkey and stuffing now covered them all
Then out to the family room both pooches flew
With my raving mad husband in hot pursuit too
They tangled the cord and knocked over the lamp
They pawed and they pranced and got both couches damp

Husband: I had just caught the one and was turning around
When the other mutt leapt on my back with a bound


Wife: (Starting to find it all humorous)
They all fell in a heap at the fireplace foot
Where they kicked up large billows of ashes and soot

Husband: The dogs had me pinned laying flat on my back
For my head had bounced off of the bricks with a crack
So it goes without saying I wasn’t too merry
With a knot on the back of my head like a cherry
I arose, grabbed the dogs and gave them the heave-ho
Out into the backyard in the cold and the snow

Wife: (smiling, trying not to laugh)
He stood hands on hips panting hard through clenched teeth
Angry steam coming off of his head like a wreath
I tried not to laugh and held on to my belly
For he looked quite a sight, soiled, sooty, and smelly

Husband: Then I slammed the back door which brought down the loose shelf

Wife: And I laughed when I saw it in spite of myself

Husband: As the contents came cascading down on my head

Wife: I thought for a moment I’d something to dread

Husband: As the last chotchkie bounced off my noggin I jerked
And was struck with a thought that had struck me at work
(slowing, trying to remember something)
Now…I’ll try to remember just how the verse goes
Or at least I’ll come close…
Wife: …that’s ok I suppose.

Husband: (softening, realizing he’s been foolish)
In the bible it says that amongst Christian ranks
Should be found people who always are giving thanks
And a Christian who always is thankful is not
A person who says to God, “Yeah, thanks a lot!”

Wife: Like a wonderful fragrance that delights your nose
Praise and thanks are to God like a heavenly rose
In the midst of life’s most difficult circumstances
Lord because these are the chances
To trust He’ll provide and keep you on your feet
And mature you until you are perfect, complete

Husband: (chuckling)
We both laughed, ope’d the door, to the dogs gave a whistle
And in the hounds flew like the down from a thistle


Wife: please remember this now as you picture the sight

Both: be "thanks-giving" (air commas) for all and to all a good night.